NEHA'S STORY 

My partner has been physically and emotionally abusing me for about twelve months. It’s started with pushing and shoving and taking my keys when I wanted to leave. He was very insecure about past relationships and jealous of people he thought were a threat.

We would have evenings where he’d been drinking and start accusing me of being a ‘whore’ amongst other names. It would go on for hours until he would fall asleep. The next day it was always the same, he was sorry and he didn’t know why he said it and did the things he did.

I believed him at first but after the third time I knew it was a mistake and I had to get out.

The final straw was the worst behavior, hours of verbal abuse and name calling and then he became violent when I tried to call someone. That night it dawned on me things will never change. I had to put myself first and do what was right for me.

How could I let myself be hurt this way?

How I coped

I believed he wanted to change. We even went to counselling together but it didn’t last. I kept telling myself that it was the drink, or tried to change my way of thinking and acting. Nothing worked and I knew I had to get out. I confided in a friend who helped me cope and then to eventually leave.

How the situation changed

After the last time, I had the strength to say leave. Of course he wouldn’t leave, but I asked my friend for help and she reinforced to him that I wanted him out, or else I’d call the police. He believed me then because I’d told someone.

What helped me

My deep seated belief that this was wrong and no matter what, his behaviour was not my fault. Good friends helped and are still helping me to get stronger. I will seek counselling now and I know I’ll keep going forward and get stronger still.

What I would say to others

Believe in yourself and tell yourself you deserve better. I know it’s hard but you can get out, you don’t have to live like this. No matter what they tell you, never ever believe that the abuse is your fault.